Success:
Posted by Amy Hale on December 26, 2011 at 7:13 am
Who wants to be happy? Most of us, of course. However, chasing happiness will always leave you chasing happiness. When people pursue success, aren’t they really pursuing happiness?
Think about this…
When you’re unhappy, you want to be happy. When you are, you want what you want and go get it.
This weeks experiment/exercise:
Imagine that you are happy already (because you choose to be). What do you still want? Your answer might be surprising. Write/type at least a page on what you would do if you were already happy and you’ll know your next steps.
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Posted by Amy Hale on December 19, 2011 at 7:15 am
Do you push and push, day after day, not taking a break? Not even for a moment? I’m not talking about all of the work that you do. I’m talking about the self-bullying you do to yourself. Do you ever get tired of telling yourself that you “should” have done something different, or “If I hadn’t said that?”
You can take a vacation from your inner bully. Imagine what it might be like to not have that negative voice going on and on in your head. Think about how peaceful you could be. Think about all the things you could get done or even explore, if you’re inner bully wasn’t telling you no in some way.
You can write that summary. You can ride that bike, even if you haven’t rode in 20 years. Yeah, maybe your boss is a jerk- you don’t have to let that negative energy wrap you up for the rest of the day. (Yes, that’s negative self-talk, too.) What happens when you give permission for that negative voice to subside for just one day?
This week’s experiment:
Pick a day, not too far in the future – like today, for instance. Tell the negative inner voice that you’re leaving it for a vacation. This vacation can be for as long as you want, but it cannot be less than one day. Make a commitment to yourself to not be hard on yourself for at least one day.
Let me know how you do. What kinds of adventures did you allow your mind to take without that negative bully around?
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Posted by Amy Hale on December 5, 2011 at 7:16 am
Do you want to make the most important relationships in your life work? What are the significant relationships in your life – examples: your spouse, your child, your boss, your colleague, your parent, your sibling — anyone who is a major player in your life.
What approach do you take in regards to particular major relationships? Do you make that relationship work, do you let that person walk all over you, or are you passive to the point where you’re just waiting to see what’s going to happen.
I’m often surprised that when someone comes in to talk with me about a relationship, they are usually waiting to see what’s going to happen next. This might look like a good 
choice at first, but the problem with this approach isthat if you wait long enough – you’ll inevitably see things you don’t like.
I’ve noted three key differences between a relationship that a person want to make work and one where the person is waiting to see if things will turn out the way they want.
First, you can choose your battles you can use the my way or the highwayapproach. In any of my relationships, there are certain areas I just won’t negotiate,including boundaries that involve my physical and mental well-being. It theline gets crossed, the person isn’t allowed to remain in my presence. However, inrelationships that I choose to wait and see, I give a more leeway to somepeople than I do others.
Forexample, if your 5 year old sticks her tongue out at you, is that a “dealbreaker” for the relationship? Of course not. If a friend sticks his tongue outat you and calls you a name, you might not like that. If you don’t, you mightjust use that as a “deal breaker” and relinquish the relationship.
Second, you can fix the problem or fix the relationship.As with anything, what you focus on expands. If you want to fix the problem,the problem becomes more evident. It also become less tolerable. When you decide that you want to make the relationship work, you bring in more of the concept of relating. You build on the better points of that relationship.However, if you’re in a “wait and see” relationship, and there’s a problem being focused on, you tend to re-evaluate the relationship.
Third, Many people care about things and what happens and some people over-care. When we decide to focus on making a relationship work, we don’t stop caring about ourselves and our own personal needs. When choosing for the relationship, we also don’t require to make our happiness dependent on relationship. On the other hand, when we are waiting tosee what happens and how things will turn out, we can get caught in the “over-care”trap. This means that when something doesn’t go your way, you take it personal and get caught in the never-ending cycle of inner argument and resentment.
Today’s Experiment:
Make a list of you top five important relationships.
Next to each one, decipher whether this is a relationship you have decided to make work or are you “waiting to see” how it turns out.
If you have chosen to “wait and see” in any of your relationships, experiment with how that relationship would change if you decided to make it work.
Let me know what happens. I love hearing from you.
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Posted by Amy Hale on November 28, 2011 at 7:10 am
Written by Steve Chandler
Professional people fall into two categories. There are doers and there are feelers.
Doers do what needs to be done to reach a goal that they themselves have set. They come to work having planned out what needs to be done.
Feelers, on the other hand, do what they feel like doing. Feelers take their emotional temperature throughout the day, checking in on themselves, figuring out what they feel like doing right now. Their lives, their outcomes, their financial security are all dictated by the fluctuation of their feelings. Their feelings will change constantly, of course, so it’s hard for a Feeler to follow anything through to a successful conclusion. Feelings are changed by many things……..biorhythms, gastric upset, too strong a cup of coffee, an annoying call from home, a rude waitress at lunch, a cold, a bit of constipation. Those are the dictating forces, the commanders, of a Feeler’s life.
A Doer already knows in advance how much time will be spent on the phone, how much in the field, what clients will be cultivated today, what relationships will be strengthened, what communications need to be made. A Doer uses a three-step system to guaranteed success: 1) They figure out what they want to achieve. 2) They figure out what needs to be done to achieve it. And, 3) They just do it. This is not a theory, this is the actual measured and observed system used by all super achievers without fail.
Whether you are a Doer or a Feeler has nothing to do with your character or personality. It has everything to do with choice. Choice is the key to it. You can choose either one, at any time, in any situation. So today, as you are challenged by situations, be sure to ask yourself, “What can I do about this?” instead of “How do I feel about this?” You’ll be very pleased with the day you have.
Nice job Steve Chandler. I highly recommend Steve’s work and he has written several books that you can find on Amazon.com. Just type in his name and there’s a nice list of them. He also has built a wonderful club called Club Fearless which can be found at http://www.clubfearless.net
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Posted by Amy Hale on November 21, 2011 at 7:07 am
In order to create what you want, you have to build a tolerance for getting what you want. You read that right – NOT a tolerance for what you don’t want but a tolerance for what you DO want. Right now, there are lots of people who haven’t built that tolerance or have lost there tolerance because of everything that seems to be going wrong around them. We have to build this tolerance for success, well-being, being happy, whatever it is that you want to increase and build it like a muscle. There are very few people who can skip the building up the muscle part of success.
Cheryl Richardson, Life Coach and author of Stand Up For Your Life, mentioned a great little tid bit last about conscious creation and building that muscle. Years ago when she was just learning about conscious creation she decided to imagine every day that she would create something new each day. She started out with things that didn’t mean that much to her, which made it easier to follow through in the beginning. If you ask for something that you desire, need or want too much, you’ll create a stopper instead of allowing it. So she imagined a big, juicy, succulent rent tomato and kept imagining it for several minutes. She then proceeded to go about her day and that very morning as she was driving to work a produce truck pulled up along side her at the stop light. There on the side of the truck was a beautiful, large, juicy looking tomato. She was amused, but still wasn’t quite sure that it wasn’t a coincidence. So the next day she decided she wanted to see a Rolls Royce. She had never seen one in her area before so that would help make her a believer if she did. The next day she saw two of them.
When she told me about this, I decided to try this experiment myself. I thought of a marshmallow – they’re not a familiar site in my life. So I meditated on this and forgot about it. (Remember one of the keys to magnetizing something is to not obsess about it.) That evening, I decided to relax in front of the TV for a little bit and a commercial came on with somewhat peculiar photographs. One of those photographs what an adorable white kitten laying on a bed of marshmallows. I love feeling amazed and allow myself to feel it a lot and this was one of those times.
Now I keep a log of all the small and large things I create in my life including how long it takes them to come in. It makes it a fun game for me. Could that work for you?
This week’s experiment:
1. Choose something to meditate on that you would like to see in your life. Pick something small and not to significant like I did. One magnificent thing about this experiment is that you don’t even have to believe it will work.
2. Write down what you are attracting and make a place for how long it takes for it to come in.
3. Let me know your results. The first three people to give me their feedback on how they did with this experiment will receive my Shape Your Success system “Fearless Public Speaking.”
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Posted by Amy Hale on November 7, 2011 at 7:30 am
Do you have a goal that seems to just stay out there in front of you? One that you just can’t seem to wrap your mind around it. Maybe even a small goal seem huge for whatever reason. Just like many of you, I let goals get the best of me until I really learned to annihilate them.
If you have one or more goals getting the best of you, what could you do to make it smaller than you? Alicia works in sales and most of her sales begin with speaking with a potential client by phone. She always had trouble with making these calls. She would put them off and put them off, finding other tasks to keep her busy. Her initial goal was to call four people per day to invite them to review what she had to offer.
Sure this could be deduced to fear of rejection, this or that, however, we decided to try an experiment to help her crush that goal. Instead of letting that goal control her, she became bigger than that goal and began imagining her success as having made the calls and feeling the freedom of being successful.
To her surprise, she began making her calls earlier and earlier in the day and she was calling approximately nine people per day. She told me that her goal was something that she didn’t want to do, however when she decided to beat it down and use her mind to accept no as a no instead of no meaning she wasn’t enough, she was able to make more calls than she anticipated. To her further surprise, she 2/3 of the people she spoke with were interested in speaking with her further.
This weeks experiment:
Do you have a goal that seems to always be there or you have trouble maintaining certain tasks (such as calling customers on the phone)? How is it controlling you? How can you make yourself larger than it?
Make the decision to annihilate that goal. Laugh at it, stomp on it. Imagine having accomplished it and how you feel with it behind you. Use that as your motivation to follow through with it.
Then notice how easy it really is to blast your goals because you’re bigger than they are and you’re in control.
Let me know how you do.
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Posted by Amy Hale on October 17, 2011 at 7:26 am
Everyone uses their imagination on a daily basis. Whether it’s just daydreaming, worrying, remembering to get angry or something else. We play a movie in our head as to how our life is, how we’ve perceived and reacted to our experiences, as well as, fantasize about how things “should” be or could be better. Have you ever stopped to really think about what your imagination might be costing you? Although many of us don’t realize we use our imagination to hold ourselves back, we can use our imaginations to catapult us forward into the life we want.
Here’s an example. If you fear making cold calls or public speaking, do you play a movie in your head about what it would feel like to be rejected? Scolded? Humiliated? If you said yes, you’re not alone. Most people indulge their fears through their fictional movie theater between their ears. If we have a fear of something, like public speaking, our subconscious mind will help you remember every time you felt bad getting up in front of others to speak, probably even remembering that time in high school when you forgot and important detail while giving a report.
Confidence isn’t something that you just install with a magic bullet. Just like you have to exercise your body to keep it in shape, you must exercise your mental confidence. Just 5 to 10 minutes a day can help move you forward to speaking with ease, or developing confidence in other situations.
Instead of wasting the day and evening away thinking about all of the things that could go wrong, imagine how things could go right. Use your imagery to capture how you would stand, speak and listen, if you were already confident and knew you were going to do well.
I admit, I don’t love public speaking, however, I have learned some great techniques which help me feel better about giving presentations – even feel confident with practice.
This week’s experiment:
The Shape Your Success Film Theaters are now open. Take at least 5 minutes per day to imagine something going well that you used to fantasize would go wrong. Add a soundtrack if you’d like to. Make the movie screen larger than life with vivid colors. Record the movie on your imaginary DVR to play back at any time.
As your move plays out, you’ll see images of success from your past as well as future scenes that haven’t even happened yet.
When you’re really imagining your success well, float out and toward that movie screen and place yourself in the movie. Merge yourself with the successful you. Hear through the ears, see through the eyes, feel through the calm and enlightened nerves of the successful you.
Notice where you feel those feelings of success strongest. Give those feelings a shape and a color. Moving the color to the top of your head and all the way down to the soles of your feet. Let the successful feelings expand as you float back to your body. Place your first finger and thumb together on your dominant hand and anchor those feelings in so that you can recall those successful feelings any time you want to.
Let me know how you do.
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Posted by Amy Hale on August 26, 2010 at 6:00 am
Here’s my favorite time management trick:
Put on a piece of paper all the things you’d like to do in tomorrow. These are things that you know that you would like to do. Then you choose, among all these things, the one thing that’s the most challenging and important.
Now look at your list. What is that one thing that you’re most likely to put off? What’s your most important thing to do, the thing that really needs to be done; not necessarily the most urgent thing, but the most important?
Most people respond to whatever feels most urgent. Not even thinking about it. Go with the feelings. All day they wonder, “What do I FEEL has to be addressed right now?” And a lot of time the urgent things that come up as an answer to that question are really small. They’re nitpicky things: they’re just hassles.
So this is why you want to create the category of Worst First: You want to pick that one thing that’s hardest to do, that you would love to have finished and have it behind you. You want to make this your first priority. Nothing gets done until that gets done. Do the worst first. And watch the surge in energy and self-esteem that happens!
Please share your thoughts and successes. I enjoying sharing with you.
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Posted by Amy Hale on April 30, 2010 at 5:47 am
There is a paradox in asking for help. It appears to be a sign of weakness and surrender, when, in truth, it is a sign of strength.
Not asking for help only means you have a bigger commitment to your story than you do to your success. Maybe your story says you don’t need help. Your story says you can do this on your own.
But what if you were committed instead to success? What if you had no interest in building a heroic story and your sole focus was on achieving great things? Then you’d get help. Because the commitment would be to the result instead of how you appear to others.
I like this quote:
“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” – Pema Chodron
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Posted by Amy Hale on April 28, 2010 at 5:42 am
The great myth out there in the world is that people never change. That myth is even the culprit behind people treating people badly: they think the person they are talking to is the same person they have always known and they treat them accordingly. Without giving them half a chance.
One of the many benefits I have of coaching people for a living is seeing them transform. Watching them change so dramatically. Many of them learning to use more of their right brains.
“In fact,” writes Colin Wilson, “we can learn to live on a far, far higher level of power. And that is what the right brain was intended for. Its farsightedness gives it the ability to summon power. Yet it hardly makes use of this ability. It could be compared to a man who possesses a magic machine that will create gold coins; so that he could, if he wanted, pay off the national debt and abolish poverty. But he is so lazy and stupid that he never bothers to make more than a couple of coins every day-just enough to see him through until the evening…or perhaps he is not lazy: only afraid of emptying the machine. If so, the fear is unnecessary. It is magical, and cannot be emptied.”
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