work:
Posted by Amy Hale on December 5, 2011 at 7:16 am
Do you want to make the most important relationships in your life work? What are the significant relationships in your life – examples: your spouse, your child, your boss, your colleague, your parent, your sibling — anyone who is a major player in your life.
What approach do you take in regards to particular major relationships? Do you make that relationship work, do you let that person walk all over you, or are you passive to the point where you’re just waiting to see what’s going to happen.
I’m often surprised that when someone comes in to talk with me about a relationship, they are usually waiting to see what’s going to happen next. This might look like a good 
choice at first, but the problem with this approach isthat if you wait long enough – you’ll inevitably see things you don’t like.
I’ve noted three key differences between a relationship that a person want to make work and one where the person is waiting to see if things will turn out the way they want.
First, you can choose your battles you can use the my way or the highwayapproach. In any of my relationships, there are certain areas I just won’t negotiate,including boundaries that involve my physical and mental well-being. It theline gets crossed, the person isn’t allowed to remain in my presence. However, inrelationships that I choose to wait and see, I give a more leeway to somepeople than I do others.
Forexample, if your 5 year old sticks her tongue out at you, is that a “dealbreaker” for the relationship? Of course not. If a friend sticks his tongue outat you and calls you a name, you might not like that. If you don’t, you mightjust use that as a “deal breaker” and relinquish the relationship.
Second, you can fix the problem or fix the relationship.As with anything, what you focus on expands. If you want to fix the problem,the problem becomes more evident. It also become less tolerable. When you decide that you want to make the relationship work, you bring in more of the concept of relating. You build on the better points of that relationship.However, if you’re in a “wait and see” relationship, and there’s a problem being focused on, you tend to re-evaluate the relationship.
Third, Many people care about things and what happens and some people over-care. When we decide to focus on making a relationship work, we don’t stop caring about ourselves and our own personal needs. When choosing for the relationship, we also don’t require to make our happiness dependent on relationship. On the other hand, when we are waiting tosee what happens and how things will turn out, we can get caught in the “over-care”trap. This means that when something doesn’t go your way, you take it personal and get caught in the never-ending cycle of inner argument and resentment.
Today’s Experiment:
Make a list of you top five important relationships.
Next to each one, decipher whether this is a relationship you have decided to make work or are you “waiting to see” how it turns out.
If you have chosen to “wait and see” in any of your relationships, experiment with how that relationship would change if you decided to make it work.
Let me know what happens. I love hearing from you.
Continue Reading
Posted by Amy Hale on November 28, 2011 at 7:10 am
Written by Steve Chandler
Professional people fall into two categories. There are doers and there are feelers.
Doers do what needs to be done to reach a goal that they themselves have set. They come to work having planned out what needs to be done.
Feelers, on the other hand, do what they feel like doing. Feelers take their emotional temperature throughout the day, checking in on themselves, figuring out what they feel like doing right now. Their lives, their outcomes, their financial security are all dictated by the fluctuation of their feelings. Their feelings will change constantly, of course, so it’s hard for a Feeler to follow anything through to a successful conclusion. Feelings are changed by many things……..biorhythms, gastric upset, too strong a cup of coffee, an annoying call from home, a rude waitress at lunch, a cold, a bit of constipation. Those are the dictating forces, the commanders, of a Feeler’s life.
A Doer already knows in advance how much time will be spent on the phone, how much in the field, what clients will be cultivated today, what relationships will be strengthened, what communications need to be made. A Doer uses a three-step system to guaranteed success: 1) They figure out what they want to achieve. 2) They figure out what needs to be done to achieve it. And, 3) They just do it. This is not a theory, this is the actual measured and observed system used by all super achievers without fail.
Whether you are a Doer or a Feeler has nothing to do with your character or personality. It has everything to do with choice. Choice is the key to it. You can choose either one, at any time, in any situation. So today, as you are challenged by situations, be sure to ask yourself, “What can I do about this?” instead of “How do I feel about this?” You’ll be very pleased with the day you have.
Nice job Steve Chandler. I highly recommend Steve’s work and he has written several books that you can find on Amazon.com. Just type in his name and there’s a nice list of them. He also has built a wonderful club called Club Fearless which can be found at http://www.clubfearless.net
Continue Reading
Posted by Amy Hale on October 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm
If you’re looking to change your life or change even a part of it, give yourself some space. Change doesn’t happen overnight, nor should it. Many people that I know think making even small changes should be easy. But what really happens when you make a change? Usually we become uncomfortable in some way. If you’re changing a habit then the discomfort discourages a person and that person goes back to the habit he or she is wanting to replace. So what is the best way to create a better life, habit or reality?
Slow down. Clear a space for yourself. It’s imperative that you have a place to do the work that needs to be done. If you don’t, you’ll just be throwing chaos on an old wound or sabotaging your efforts right from the start.
Be aware of your surroundings. Are you living in clutter? Can you see the surface of your desk? Are the kid’s toys everywhere? Tremendous energy can surface from de-cluttering your surroundings. Inspiration can be found when you can see your desk and it’s organized. Take a moment and look around. Where are you residing? In a clean, organized environment or are you looking around at piles of magazines, toys, clothing, and dirty dishes, or whatever else might be cluttering your area?
Right now, get up and do something. Take 10 minutes to just dig in and put something in its place or make a place for it. That’s all it takes to start. Take 10 minutes per day to de-clutter your space.
Here are some tips to help you keep going…
If you haven’t used it in the past 90 days, can you get rid of it? Are you keeping things in case you need them in the future? The universe reads this as you don’t trust your future if you hang on to things you don’t currently use. This adds to an unconscious awareness that the future holds lack. No one wants to lack money, health or anything else.
If you would like to read more about Space Clearing, a great book to start with is Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. She has so many valuable tips including why to make sure certain spaces are clean and also stories of how people transformed their lives by just living in an organized home.
If your task looks overwhelming, just start with a corner. Get bags or boxes together to place items in. Make separate bags/boxes for things to move to another area of the home, throw away, and think about because you’re not quite sure whether or not to keep it. This will help you keep from cluttering another area.
Once you have a nice space cleared, set up a peaceful relaxing atmosphere. Make a place for yourself, even if it’s just the corner of a room, to really become tranquil and peaceful. A place where you can meditate, journal, or read a novel.
If after you have cleared your space, you still don’t have a place to call your own, think about where you could go. Be creative. I used to have to use my car to find a peaceful place. I would come home after a long day at work and notice the silence as I turned off the engine of my car in the driveway. It was amazing. I treasured every second that it lasted.
It really is important. An organized home means an organized mind. The benefits can be truly life altering. One of my clients told me that she her husband was having a hard time finding a new job so cleaned the closets, drawers, junk room (where all those things are that you never use), and within two weeks he found a new job. There can definitely be a connection to clutter and negative energy.
If you really want to transform your life, let’s get going. Pick a room or a corner and start organizing your space. Next time I’ll be helping you de-clutter your mind. I’ll be coaching you to become aware of how you really speak to yourself and hypnotize yourself into believing things that just aren’t true.
Continue Reading
Posted by Amy Hale on March 22, 2010 at 6:01 am
Just for a moment, think about this…
When you know the cost of money, you become much more sensitive in how you spend and save that money.
Every day, you’re trading your life energy for money (hours of breathing, effort, etc) and it’s energy you’ll never get back. In fact, you spend the most precious internal resources you have in exchange for that money.
Today’s experiment is based on part of a process written about in the book Your Money or Your Life
by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin.
This Week’s Experiment:
1. Engage in a calculation of the true cost to you of every currency that you spent. (e.g. life energy, dollars)
2. What is your total earned income in one month (after taxes)? (Do not calculate in passive income)
3. From your earned income, subtract the expenses you would not have if you did not work in the way you do to earn this income. When you’ve made all the deductions, you’ve arrived at your true net income.
(For example, do you dress up for your job? Do you have to wear a uniform? Do you eat out for lunch? How much does it cost you to commute?)
4. How many hours do you invest in your work in one month? (Include time spent thinking/worrying about work and winding down from your job and commute home.)
5. Finally, divide your TRUE net income by the total hours invested in working the way that you do to arrive at your TRUE hourly wage.
( For each hour you invest in working, this is the return you get. Each time you spend this amount, you trade your energy and limited time on earth.)
Now, each time you spend ten dollars, you can be aware of the investment of life energy you’re really making. If you’re like most people, there are areas you’ve been over-investing your life energy, and other areas where you’ve not been investing enough. Simply knowing your true hourly wage and the cost, in terms of life energy, of every dollar you spend, will help you to spend, invest, and save more consciously.
Continue Reading
Posted by Amy Hale on January 4, 2010 at 10:36 am
Fear comes in many forms. It’s hypnotic and no one entirely escapes its grasp. People rationalize their fears which helps them excuse themselves from moving forward with their goals and visions for themselves.
Hate is a form of fear. Where there is one, there is often the other. “I hate meetings” could mean for some, “I’m afraid of speaking up in front of my boss because he is mean.” It turns into, “I’ll speak up next time,” but that next time doesn’t seem to ever come.
Some people tend to look at some of their fear on the bright side. “At least I won’t look foolish” or “if I say that, then I open myself up for being put down.”
But then a week goes by and everything is still the same. The person hasn’t spoken up in order to be noticed enough to be a credible part of the team. So s/he stays in the same old cubicle.
Are things better off than a year ago?
If not, things aren’t going to improve by themselves. It’s time to stop putting on the brake and really take some initiative to move ahead? Do you want to spend the next 40 years of your life feeling the same way? How many years are you going to let yourself just hang there in the same place in the hellish dungeon of rationalization?
If you want your life to move, you’re going to have to move it. No one is going to save you. If they were going to, they already would have. So, what are you waiting for?
Un-optimistic fear tends to get people moving forward. I can’t believe how many people come to see me when they find out they might be cut from their job or their doctor just diagnosed them with diabetes. They didn’t move until they were afraid.
So here’s an idea, define the worst thing that could happen if you didn’t accomplished what you want to accomplish? What are you putting off because of fear and what is it really costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically – by postponing taking action?
What are you waiting for? If you say you don’t have time or the time is not right, I can almost guarantee that fear is standing in your way and your rationalizing it so that you stay in the same place.
This post is intended to be a wake-up call for you and the wonderful life that awaits you. By thinking about the worst thing that could possible happen by not taking action – like being miserable or bored in the same job, not being able to make ends meet and feeling like a worthless pile or even living with someone you just don’t even like anymore – you can motivate yourself to take action.
Continue Reading
Posted by Amy Hale on October 3, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Are you doing what you incarnated to do? Do you love how you spend your days, every day Monday thru Friday?
If you’re like thousands and more thousands of people, these questions may hit a sore spot or even seem ridiculous. ‘I can’t afford to ask myself things like that,’ one man said to me. ‘I’ve got a family to take care of and a mortgage to pay.
But just because it’s a difficult question doesn’t mean it’s not worth answering. And the question becomes more and more important as you get older.
Trying to ‘make yourself’ do what feels wrong to you is like walking in whatever direction you are facing and forcing the needle in your compass towards north. While it may work for a while, as soon as you let up the pressure for even a moment, the compass will begin to self-correct and you’ll find yourself in the wrong direction. You might be lost and don’t know how to come back to full reality and sanity. Uninspiring and treacherous stress comes from forcing yourself to do what you don’t want to do each day only leads to strain, tension and potential illness.
If you’ve spent a lifetime ignoring your feelings and quite literally ‘making the best of a bad job’, it may seem like it’s too late (or too scary) to do anything about it. But chances are that the changes you need to make are nowhere near as dramatic as you think. So don’t go quitting your job, selling your things and joining the convent. Even if big changes are called for, you don’t have to make them in a dramatic way.
Here are three simple changes, as described by Michael Neill – Super Coach, you can make that will make a major change in how you feel about your working life:
——————————————————-
1. Become self-employed while you’re still at your job.
——————————————————-
If you’ve begun saving money for your retirement, chances are you’ve done it by withholding money from your paycheck each month. A more effective strategy is to have all your money paid into a central ‘reservoir’ account. This can be a savings or even a home equity account. Then ‘deduct’ the money for your monthly expenses into a checking account.
Now instead of taking money away from yourself in order to save, you are having to take money away from yourself in order to spend. And for most people, when you see your reservoir of cash begin to grow, you will become less interested in spending and more interested in the freedom that comes with not being dependent on your job for your income.
—————————————————
2. Get noticeably better at whatever it is you do.
—————————————————
Extensive research into optimal experience at work shows that people who challenge themselves to continually improve at what they do not only increase their value in the marketplace, they enjoy their jobs considerably more than those who just do the minimum required to get by. While further training may or may not be a practical option for you, there are always ways to enhance your skills on the job.
One simple trick is to imagine you are training your replacement – if you had to teach someone to do what you do, how would you do it? In thinking about how to teach someone else to do your job, you will invariably find little improvements you can make that not only make you better, they make the job more enjoyable.
————————————-
3. Begin exploring new possibilities
————————————-
Many people fear that if they begin exploring other options, they will become more and more discontented and miserable about what they are currently doing. But only one of two things can really happen. Either you will find out that what you’re doing isn’t as bad as you thought when you compare it to what else is out there, in which case you’ll begin to appreciate and enjoy it more, or you’ll find out that there really is a job or career path that’s calling to you.
And if you are fortunate enough to find a job that’s also a calling, you will never have to work another day in your life!
Continue Reading
Twitter
LinkedIn
Facebook